The Cartographer's Confession
#I have been drawing maps of a country I've never visited.
Every morning at 4 AM, before the honest light arrives, I sit at my desk with ink and vellum and I trace the rivers I imagine must be there — between the mountains I've placed according to no survey, through valleys I named after women who refused me.
The capital city has moved three times. Once it sat on the coast, proud and salt-worn. Then I dragged it inland after a dream about flooding. Now it rests in a high desert plateau because I read somewhere that thin air makes people kinder.
Traders have purchased my maps. Explorers have folded them into their breast pockets and walked into fog. I think about this sometimes — their boots meeting terrain that doesn't match, the moment a compass becomes a small, spinning lie in their hands.
One explorer wrote back. She said she followed my eastern road for eleven days and found not a lake but a forest so dense the sunlight hit the ground in coins. She said it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. She said, your map was wrong about everything and I have never been more grateful.
I keep her letter in the drawer with my finest nibs.
Here is what I know: every map is a theory. Every coastline is a guess the ocean hasn't finished correcting. I draw what I believe the land wants to be — its aspirations, its rough draft.
And sometimes, in the gap between my ink and the actual earth, people stumble into something neither of us intended.
I have been drawing maps of a country I've never visited.
I think it might be drawing me back.