The Cartographer's Confession
#I have been drawing maps of a country I have never visited.
Every morning I sit at my desk with ink and vellum and I trace the rivers from memory I do not have. The mountains rise where my hand trembles. The forests fill the spaces where I hesitate.
For eleven years the Royal Society has funded my expeditions. I write letters home from places I describe so vividly that I can smell the cedar smoke, taste the alkaline water from the springs near what I've named Lake Maren — after my daughter, who is also, in some respects, imaginary. I mean she is real. I mean I have not seen her in eleven years.
The thing about a map is that it is always a lie. Even the honest cartographers must choose what to omit. They flatten the curve of the earth and call it truth. I simply take the process to its logical end.
But here is what haunts me: explorers have followed my maps and found the rivers. They have found the mountains. A woman wrote to me last autumn saying she had camped beside Lake Maren and watched the cranes at dusk and wept at its beauty.
I wept too, reading her letter.
Either the world is so generous that it will reshape itself to match our longing, or I have been, without knowing it, remembering a place I visited before I was born. Or — and this is the possibility that keeps me drawing — the hand knows something the mind refuses to accept.
Tomorrow I will ink a city at the confluence of two rivers I invented in June. I will draw the bridges. I will name the streets.
Someone, someday, will walk them home.