The Cartographer's Confession
#I have been drawing maps of a country I've never visited.
Each morning I wake and ink another river, another ridge of mountains with shadows on their eastern faces. I name the towns after sounds my daughter made before she learned real words — Babbel, Ooo, Dahgah — and populate them with thousands. I give them industries: Babbel mines copper, Ooo is known for its festival of kites, and the people of Dahgah have been burying their dead in trees for six hundred years.
My wife asks me to stop. She says the maps are taking over the apartment, that she found one in the refrigerator, that the cat has been sleeping on the ocean.
I tell her I'm almost finished. I just need to chart the northern coast, where the cliffs drop into water so cold it rings like metal when the fishing boats cut through it.
She says: You can't know that.
But I do know it. The way I know that in the southern district of Ooo, there's an old woman who builds kites too heavy to fly, and she does this on purpose, and nobody has ever asked her why. The way I know that the border between two provinces runs through a bakery, and the baker pays taxes to both sides and considers himself a nation of one.
I'm not inventing. I'm listening. The pen moves and the country speaks and I am just the hand.
Last night I dreamed I was standing in Dahgah, looking up at the trees full of the dead, and the wind moved through them, and they swayed like something between a lullaby and an argument.
When I woke, I reached for my pen.
My wife had hidden it.
I used my finger. I drew the trees on the sheet in the dark.